


A FAHC Thanksgiving Heist

by MadDramaQueen



Series: RT Extra Life 1,337 word fic challenge [6]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Fem! Jack, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-05 20:23:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12801660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadDramaQueen/pseuds/MadDramaQueen
Summary: There's a pumpkin pie waiting for Thanksgiving dinner.But, the Battle Buddies can't wait!Will they get past Jack to the yummy treat?





	A FAHC Thanksgiving Heist

It was Thanksgiving afternoon in the FAHC house. And you'd think it would be a peaceful time of year where everyone comes together to say thanks and eat food.

Nope.

Mostly everyone playing video games and being locked out of the kitchen before Jack kills them all.

"No one is allowed in here or you won't make it to Thanksgiving dinner!" she threatened. After last years debacle, she needed space to prep the food.

The Battle Buddies were in the living room, playing video games on their new big-screened TV. Jeremy paused when he sensed something was off. He took a big sniff and sighed heavenly. 

"Oh my God, Ryan. Do you smell that? Go ahead. Just smell the air."

Ryan, who was clean shaven and mask-free, took a sniff and gasped with delight. "Smells like Jack's pumpkin pie!" 

Jeremy paused the game and tip-toed as close as he could to the kitchen door. He saw the pumpkin pie sitting by the window, getting some air and cooling off. The wind was carrying the delicious scent over to the hungry boys.

"Ryan, Ryan, that smell is too much. And the pie is right there. Fucking hell, man. We gotta eat that pie." Jeremy decided.

"Uhh...Jack will kill us. And you know the LSPD will throw her a parade if they found out I was dead. I'm the most wanted man in the city." Ryan pointed out.

"Way to brag about it." Lil J muttered.

"Hey, lads!" Gavin flopped on the couch next to Ryan and tilted his glasses low when he saw Jeremy. "Uh-oh. Jeremy is headed for trouble, isn't he?"

Jeremy turned around and waved at Gavin. "H-hey, buddy. No! No trouble at all!" he chuckled nervously.

"Look, I know Jack. She's setting you up. It's a trap, mates. Do not go in there or you'll regret it later. Don't fall for the delicious pumpkin pie!" Gavin warned. Then he turned to Ryan in shock. "And you're not going to stop him if he tries to nick the pie?!"

"I mean...we're the Battle Buddies. If he wants to try to take something as delicious as a pumpkin pie, who am I to stop him?"

"Yes, Ryan! Help me, then!" Jeremy ran back to the couch and pulled Ryan off and towards the kitchen.

Gavin shook his head at them. "For shame, boys. For shame. I'm gonna have some pre-Thanksgiving dinner bevs with boi. See you at the table, if you survive." he shrugged and headed upstairs.

"Fuck him. We got this. We're the Battle Buddies; we can do anything! So...how do we do this?" Jeremy asked. "You think she has the floor booby trapped? Or a motion sensor by the doorway?" 

"Hmm...if that's the case, then we can't go in the kitchen to take this pie. What if we went outside, around the house to where that window is, and we take it from there? BUT, we need a grabber of some sort." Ryan thought.

"I think I have something! Sneak around, Ryan, and I'll meet you back there." Jeremy instructed. Soon enough, the two troublemakers were on their way to the biggest heist ever: taking dessert.

Ryan propped a ladder on the side of the house, careful to not make a noise as it hit the wall. He could hear the sound of a song being sung with nothing but "hap haps" as he finished with the ladder. He turned around to see Jeremy with a pair of giant tongs.

"Jeremy, what the hell are those??" Ryan asked.

"Used these on some heists before I worked with the crew." Jeremy shrugged.

Ryan face-palmed. "With those, how the hell did you end up here?"

"It was petty thievery at the time, Ryan! You know I use sniper rifles now. Stop complaining and let's get ourselves a pumpkin pie!" Jeremy handed Ryan the grabber and held the ladder for him as the Vagabond started his climb up to the pie. The wind seemed to know where they were because the smell was headed in their direction again.

"Jeremy! I can smell it again! Ohhh, it smells so good! It's taunting us!" Ryan groaned.

"You get that pie, Ryan! Show it who's boss!" Jeremy exclaimed as he kept holding the ladder tight. 

Ryan finally made it to the window where the pie was resting. He gave a thumbs up to Jeremy as he used the grabber to get the pie. But, it's hard to hold on to the ladder and this large as hell grabber. 

"Oh shit, ohhh shit..." Ryan whispered as he was trying to grip the pie with the tongs. He finally managed to get the two tong pieces between the pie tins and was about to head back down the ladder, until he lost his grip and down, down, down the pie went...

"JEREMY LOOK OUT!"

[SPLAT!]

Ryan quickly climbed down the ladder to see his partner in crime with his bald head covered in pumpkin pie; the filling slowly falling down the side of his face and the crumbs making a crown around his head. 

Ryan tried to hide a chuckle. "You've, uh... you've got a little something on your head-"

"I KNOW! SHUT UP, RYAN!" Jeremy groaned. "You know we're fucked now, right? We don't have a pie to eat, and neither does the crew. Jack is gonna tear us limb from limb. Hopefully she does that after I get a shower." he muttered.

"Well, how about you get cleaned up and we'll just feign innocent? Say a bird knocked it over or something? She'll never suspect a thing! Now, let's get you back in the house...after I put back this ladder." Ryan quickly lowered the ladder and put it back where he got it. He ushered Jeremy back into the house and into the lower level bathroom to wash his head off.

It felt like an eternity until Jack announced that Thanksgiving dinner was ready for everyone to eat. 

"Come to the table, but don't eat anything! We're gonna say grace first!" Jack called out. 

The FAHC had their own table and the B-Team also had a table. (which Michael and Geoff named the 'kids table') Everyone sat at their respective tables, Geoff at the head of the crew's table, because of course. Ryan sat next to Jeremy, and Michael sat next to Gavvy. Jack's seat was next to Geoff, but it was empty because she was prepping to make her grand entrance.

Geoff tapped his glass and stood up. "Ladies, gentlemen and assholes-"

"That's you, Gavin!" Michael cackled.

"Yep. It is that time of year where we give our thanks for being part of this amazing and fucked up family. Where we get together and share stories about our failures and successes during the year. I'm thankful that I'm the leader of a kick-ass crew such as this one. You guys keep me young..somewhat, and I'm proud to be in the crew. I love you guys and I hope you know that. But, enough of the sappy bullshit. We all know why B-team made the trip over here. Especially one Matt Bragg."

"Damn right! Bring on the food!" Matt called out.

"I'm getting to it, asshole!" Geoff yelled back. He sighed. "Anyway, while we all love each other's company, you know damn well what the best part of Thanksgiving is. So, without further ado, here she is, the cook of the hour, Jack Pattillo!"

With a round of applause, Jack made her way out to the living room holding an extravagant turkey, dressed to impress and ready to be eaten. She placed the turkey in the middle of the crew table and took some bows.

"Thank you, everyone. I've worked very hard on the dinner we're about to receive. Unfortunately, my dessert seems to have disappeared."

The Battle Buddies tensed up.

"I do know where it has gone and the smug assholes who decided to fuck with the pie are gonna clean the dishes tonight." she glared at them.

Well, fuck.


End file.
